Sunday, 14 September 2014

SPOTLIGHT SUNDAY: Putting yourself first

Hey guys!

I know I haven't posted anything in about two weeks and I've been telling all of my friends that it's because of work. Here's what's really been going on.

I've recently had a fight with my two best friends and it hit me really hard, because we've known each other for ten years and I honestly thought there was nothing that would tear us apart. It turns out I was wrong on many levels and the fact that they were no longer in my life hurt so bad I started thinking about that razor that's still hidden in my room. But I still somehow managed to pull myself together and get up and go to work and do everything normally.

Then I got accused of thievery. I work as a cashier and nobody understood why I got so upset when I almost got fired (for something I didn't do, might I add) but the thing is - I'm a cashier at a drugstore. I get to work with makeup from time to time and I can help customers and talk to them about products which is a great experience for any aspiring makeup artist. And I work in a drugstore I've loved for many, many years. So when this happened, I broke. Again. I literally burst into tears in front of my two bosses, I couldn't stop shaking and I could barely even breathe. Luckily I didn't get fired and I somehow pulled myself together again and went back to work like nothing happened.

Then I almost got fired for something I didn't do AGAIN. It's a long story and it's completely ridiculous, so I won't get into it, but that was when I couldn't take it anymore. I swallowed my pride and texted my best friend.

We made a deal long ago that no matter where we were, or how things were between us, we would write one single word and the other one would know that it's urgent. And she didn't reply.
The worst part was - I didn't even shed a tear. I always knew that when push came to shove I could count on her and when I realized I couldn't, it should have shattered my heart beyond repair.
Except it didn't.

 I finally realized that while I was putting everyone else's needs and feelings before my own, they weren't doing the same. I've always been someone who enjoyed buying presents more than getting them and loved giving up something to help somebody else even if it was my own happiness. But once I saw what that did to me, I drew the line.
I stopped wasting time on people who don't spend a second a day thinking about my feelings.
I stopped staying up late to talk to people who could never make time for me.
I stopped covering work shifts for people who never said thank you or (god forbid) did the same for me.
I stopped caring about people who clearly didn't give a flying f*** about me.

I focused on myself, my feelings, my future and my well-being. On people who have and will be there for me no matter how tough it gets (and trust me, standing by the side of someone battling depression is a battle of it's own). Sadly I found out there weren't that many of those people in my life.

Regardless of my new found strength and positivity I still needed some time to glue the pieces of my life/heart back together. And despite the happiness blogging has brought me, I still decided to take a break and focus solely on myself and work.

I promise that I'm back for good this time and I hope you guys missed me juuuuuust a little tiny bit :)

As always, please contact me if you're having trouble with anything, I'm always happy to help, even if you only need someone to listen :)

Don't forget to comment if you have any questions and follow me on twitter, pinterest, instagram and facebook.

Talk to you soon! x

Smile! Teeth are always in style ;)
- dr. Seuss

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